Being a very little girl, I often find that I don't always get my own way and sometimes being small means that bigger cats bully you. I don't put up with this! I firmly put my paw down and say no!! This is my guide for how you can do the same.

Getting your own way

If you want to get through a door that is closed and your pets are too stubborn to open the door, there are 3 things that you can do. These range from noisy to very naughty, you should obviously start with noisy first or your plans may backfire.

1) Meeow really loudly constantly. Try to make a whiny sound too as being small gives you the cute factor. This is often enough for most pets to relent and give in, but if not......

The next stage should only be practiced if you have already mastered the Angelic Face Technique (see later) as it can often get you into trouble

2) Take your back paws and dig your claws in firmly. Adopt the Angelic Face Technique and scrabble furiously at the carpet. If you can manage to keep up the pathetic whining meeow at the same time, this will be even more effective. You will probably get a good telling off for this, but if you look sweet enough, they should relent and let you out. You may also get a cuddle as they will feel really guilty when you use your Angelic Face Technique on them.

The last method should only ever be used in emergencies as you will almost always get told off. But when you are this small, you have to be tough.

3) After scrabbling furiously for upto 10 minutes and your paws are getting sore because your pets are ignoring you; meeow as loud as you can to make sure you have your pets full attention, then quickly turn around and wee all over the door!!!

You can often get away with this if you immediately offer your pets a cuddle and adopt the Angelic Face Technique. If you still get told off, then hiss at your pets and withhold cuddle privilege for upto 2 days depending on how seriously you were told off. It is very important in these situations to retain dignity and to above all show your pets who is boss. Although it is always acceptable to fall back on your smallness to get you out of sticky situations, just by being cute.

The Angelic Face Technique

Warning: This technique only works on humans, if you use it on other cats you will be subject of ridicule for days and will probably get bopped too, especially if you have friends like Cracker who is sometimes too dignified for his own good.

The Angelic Face Technique is a celebrated pussy tradition and has been used throughout the centuries by cats to manipulate their pets.

1) Tilt your head slightly to the side.

2) Open your eyes really really wide.

3) Smile as hard as you can and look faintly quizzical without opening your mouth and revealing your teeth.

4) In times of absolute necessity, leg rubbing can be used in conjunction with adoring upwards glances towards your pet.

Other small cats have adopted extensions to the Angelic Face Technique that can work very effectively and everyone has their favorite method. One such method was the poorly paw technique adopted by my brother Sweep when he was only a very little boy.

How to Deal With Bug Bullies

You will almost always get away with dealing out more than your own fair share of punishment if you are small. There are some very important things to remember to stop yourself from being bullied. Because you are small and therefore very cute, you can always make a lot of noise and pretend you are hurt when you are not, and more importantly your pets will tell the bully off. There is a problem with this however and that is; that your pets are not always going to be there, so, you can either take up weight training and martial arts or get a friend to stick up for you. I myself am a black belt in meow-fu, the only downside being, I often break my nails and chopping blocks of wood.

If you are a very little cat indeed - like myself - you can still get bopped, in these situations you must rely upon your assertiveness training. To keep bullies in their place you must never wait for them to make the first move. So, if you think a bigger cat may bully you, walk up to them and hiss very loudly, repeatedly if necessary. You may often get bopped when you hiss at other cats, but if you are lucky your pets will be there and they will assume the bully is to blame as you are so small and cute. At this point use the Angelic Face Technique.

If you follow my guidelines you will almost always come out on top and hardly ever get bullied.

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